March 2013

Are You New to Aging Parents?

Many of us are now starting to encounter the demands of ‘Aging Parents’. We love our parents of course, but we are busy at work, busy at home, busy with kids, busy, busy, busy. And when aging parents need help, they can’t (or won’t) take a back seat. Mom or Dad needs us right now, and it is more urgent than urgent! And no one else can help! Just us!

As you might have guessed, this is quite common and probably deserves some attention sooner rather than later. So here are a few things to consider when aging parents start demanding more of your time due to health concerns:

#1. What is your parent expecting of you? This couldn’t be more important to know. Negative feelings creep into relationships when expectations don’t align. Be emotionally strong and respectful, and just have the discussion. And remember, they are asking for you because they need help and they trust you can help them. Bring good energy to the conversation, and be understanding.

2. Is your parent managing safely at home? Are they keeping on their proper medication schedule? Is there anything different you are noticing? Have they suffered a fall? Is your ‘Spidey-Sense’ going off about something, but you’re not quite sure what? (Hint: Trust your intuition!) Is the fridge clean inside with fresh food (vs. outdated!)? And check other rooms like the bathroom for how they are keeping up with tidying.

3. What services might your parents need? Not sure how to find out what resources are out there? Call the Vancouver Island Health Authority (VIHA) inquiry line at 1.877.734.4101 and ask what services are available. There is a ‘Community Resource Guide’ available from VIHA that list many services and providers. For example: care services, housekeeping, transportation, housing options, etc. If your parent needs a health assessment (may include whether they need to be moved into care or not), this is also the right place to call first.

One other example of a great service in the community is the ‘door to door’ volunteer driving program through Cowichan Seniors Community Foundation. It is tremendous for medical or health related appointments, hospital visits to family and friends, or attend support groups or meetings. Call the CSCF at 250.715.6481 for more information.

Finally, calling a helpful provider like Nurse Next Door as a resource can be fruitful, as private providers are often in touch with the excess of information and knowledge needed to support and care for an aging parent effectively.

4. Future Health Wishes. An ‘Advance Directive’ and a CPR directive are two tools that should be discussed with a parent’s doctor much earlier than most people choose to (i.e. when it’s too late). This is a big topic that we’ll tackle in the coming editions. But don’t wait for me…talk to your parent’s doctor now if health is a concern.

5. Finances. Also a big topic that deserves more than a paragraph and that will be elaborated on in future editions. In the meantime – make sure that you know who your parent works with on their finances, and ensure that bills are up to date. If you are the right person for your parent to assign as their ‘Power of Attorney’, then you can support them by ensuring their financial inputs and outputs are appropriate (e.g. go over their bank statement with them and/or their accountant).

6. Happiness. What could be more important than happiness? Simply ask your parent what would make them happier. You may be surprised at what you get back. Then think about what one easy step would be that you could take today to make that happen.

And on the topic of happiness, if you want your life to remain happy (or avoid becoming less stressful) you will discuss these above items with your parent very soon!

Needs of aging parents can increase rapidly and drastically. Save hours and hours of stress for you and your parents by being prepared. Have the discussion.

Chris Wilkinson, B.Sc. KIN is the Owner / Director for Nurse Next Door Home Care Services franchise serving Cowichan, Nanaimo, Parksville and surrounding communities. Nurse Next Door provides award winning in-home care and support for seniors. Call Chris for more information at 250.748.4357 or visit NurseNextDoor.com