Morganne Michel Pickering August 2011
Current Article | Archive | Back to Island Voices
Have you ever considered helping a friend or family member create the last days of their lives?
Morganne Michel Pickering
In Harmony: Living From Your HeartMind
I was asked by a friend who was about to pass to please come and help her plan what she wanted for her deathing time and to help communicate to her family her wishes. She was in her mid-seventies, had lived on her own for many years, had many, many dear friends in her community and yet had not been able to speak to anyone about this time in her life.
Logi and I met as students in a class about alternative cancer treatments. She had been through that experience once and did not want to repeat the previous treatments. Now here she was 24 years later, deciding to handle her body and life in a different way. She was under a doctors care and decided to pursue a path of nutrition, visualization and meditation. Since she had time to be on the program for a few months before surgery; her body and immune system was strong and even though her surgery was radical she was out of the hospital in a few days.
Logi was a strong woman with the brightest smile and a twinkle in her blue eyes. She was always positive and had a great sense of humour. When I asked her why she had wanted me to help her the reply was … Just wait, you’ll see.
There was time to plan…many months in fact. The surgery had been successful; but Logi knew that she was ready to go. She had given this much thought and had decided that she wanted to die at home and under no circumstances in a hospital. While she was weak, she was still able to walk daily, make her own meals and take care of her bodys needs.
The plan that we devised that was to allow her to remain at home was to have a family member with her when I couldn’t be and that she was to be extra careful as that any fall or illness would mean that she could end up back in the hospital.
We set about designing her bedroom. Pastel colours were draped around, angels, buddhas and flowers hung everywhere and her choice of music was always playing.
Life continued easily and simply this way for weeks…friends dropping by, desserts always present, laughter and poems being read aloud. She kept hooking her rugs and her last one graces my bedroom still. Her immediate family never came.
As Logi got weaker and took to her bed the daily events slowed, sleep was present more, and her body became softer and lighter. One evening she asked me to put together a memorial service; to design an invitation to her family and friends and had chosen a photo that she wanted included; and she wanted her ashes spread in the canyon creek that she had lived by for the past 20+ years. While I was hesitant, feeling that a more appropriate person was needed she refused and said I would understand later.
Well her passing day came; I was not present…however the most extraordinary thing happened. Her niece who was staying at the time tells it like this…A young man knocked at the door inquiring about a rental property address…since she was not familiar with the area she called into Logi for directions and Logi said, “Let him come in and I will tell him” …at which point the young man sees Logi and must have sensed the situation.
He was carrying a guitar and promptly sat down at the foot of Logi’s bed and started playing…and that is how Logi designed her deathing time…she was carried home on the notes of a young soul’s heartstrings.
The memorial service was challenging. Once the invitations were sent out I received many phone calls from her family. Even though they were all kept informed of her condition over time, and were aware of her desires, they were upset as to the setting by the creek and the informality of the event.
As I was standing, looking out my window contemplating how I was going to get them to reconsider and come I heard Logi’s voice … “Now you know why I asked you to do this.” “Gee, thanks,” I responded.
I picked up the phone, called each person and relayed that if a total stranger could stop and play his guitar at the foot of her bed for her journey home the least they could do was show up with the love and respect I knew they had for her. It was not about them..it was about her.
On that day, that sun was shining, the flies and sunbeams played over the cascading water and each said their own prayer as they let her ashes trickle through their fingers into the water that carried her back to the source and memories, laughter and tears were shared.
So consider asking an elder family member, a dear friend or yourself…what do you want at your deathing time?? Where do you want to be? How do you see this? What do you want around you?
We will all go to this way…how much better to plan, dream and celebrate our life and enjoy the memories, events, people and times together. Love, touch, share and laugh.
I’m told that there is a birthday party waiting on the other side!! Yeah!!!
Contact Morganne at 250-923-0084
E-mail nharmony@telus.net
www.wisewomennetwork.net