“Dementia on the fast-track”
I was born, raised and living in The Netherlands for most of my life.
In June 2004 my dad started behaving differently. He couldn’t remember things, he started talking “non-sense”. My sister Christine (who lives close to my parents) was told by her 2 kids that “opa” didn’t always stop for a red traffic light and when they told him, he had no clue that he made a mistake.
She and my mam had a conversation with my dad; he said: well, I can’t recall these events, but if you say so then I have to believe it. He never drove again.
His vascular dementia progressed fast. Bless my mam, who is a healthy senior with an optimistic train of thought. We all admire her for her strength. She took action and arranged for my dad to go to a Day Program, 4 days a week. She could now live her own life a bit more, do activities she likes, have some rest. She certainly needed that as to mentally prepare for the surprises she was faced with when my dad came home from the Program.
I lived 220 km away from my parents. My support for my mam was mostly over the phone, and we always had great conversations filled with laughter and tears.
In the midst of all of this my own life was about to change. I was 45, longing to do something totally different (call that midlife crisis) but at that time I didn’t know I was actually going to move to Canada.
Over time we found out that my mam didn’t get much sleep, if at all. My dad was wandering through the house during the night, taking all his clothes out the closet to get dressed and trying to get out the door. My mam kept the doors safely locked and the keys hidden. My mam never complained about the stress and difficulties, that’s not her attitude.
She had connected with a compassionate Social Worker who did counselling and my mam joined a support group which she found to be very helpful. She loved the support she got and the support she could give.
In January 2005 I made the most courageous decision ever and decided to move to Canada.
My mam started the application for a nursing home for my dad.
Every day was a new challenge for her and she handled it well. Until my dad became more angry and violent. The final drop in the famous bucket came when my dad pushed my mam in a corner, threatening her and yelling at her. That was it!
She called her Social Worker instantly and spoke 4 powerful words: “take him away… now!”
My dad moved into a nursing home 3 days later, March 31st of 2005.
At the same time I was getting ready to immigrate on 05.05.05.
Then the unexpected happened:
2 Weeks before my departure my dad past away suddenly and peacefully.
One week before my move we had a beautiful and emotional service for my dad and said our goodbyes.
1 Week later, my mam said another goodbye as I moved to Canada… on my own.
She showed pride and happiness and spoke encouraging words at the airport. With 2 people ”leaving” her life, she stood strong. And she still does till this day.
After my move to rural Ontario in Canada, I became a Personal Support Worker and graduated with honors. The biggest surprise came when I received the Faculty Award, presented to “the student who best exemplifies the characteristics of honesty, diligence, adaptability, industry responsibility and integrity”. The best part? My mam was with me in snow-covered Canada to celebrate!
Being a caregiver is a ‘tough job’ and at the same time, one of the most rewarding professions or “deeds of compassion and love” on planet Earth. My life-lessons help me to constantly evolve and to find my calling: I love helping caregivers establish caregiving excellence, for themselves and for others.
How has your caregiving journey been so far?
Saskia Jennings
Certified Caregiving Consultant & Educator
Qualicum Beach, B.C.
http://www.creatingbeingwell.com
Current Phone #: 647.528.2037