Look Who’s Listening

In our art and music program, the participants all have some form of dementia. They sit around a big table, family style, with the volunteers scattered amongst them. As they go about creating their artwork, conversation flows naturally between everyone, with the volunteers often doing most of the talking about their family, their travels, the weather or whatever random topic that crops up that day.

I always find it fascinating to hear the comments made by those with dementia on these topics, as there are far too many in the wider world who believe them to be disconnected. If our program has taught anything, it is that nothing could be further from the truth.

Our dementia clients are not only following the conversation, but their interjections are relevant, witty, and often have us laughing.

One of the mistakes families make is not including the person with dementia. I agree that some gatherings may be too big and boisterous, leading to agitation or upset, but smaller groups can be very beneficial for all.

Those with dementia feel included and other family members can feel a sense of connection to their loved one they might have otherwise believed lost forever.

As dementia takes verbal skills, it can be hard for the family to know how to interact. This is the point where smiles, gestures, hugs, and touch can take over to bridge the gap.

I often lightly touch a person’s back or arm, put my arm around them, or hold their hand when speaking to them. I also smile, a lot.

This helps build a bond; while people with dementia may not understand verbal language anymore, they do read body language and mood proficiently.

A client of mine and her sister wanted to visit and spend time with their mother, but the dynamic of their relationship had changed so much they weren’t sure what to do.

They had done some investigating into art as therapy, and bought all the supplies they needed for an activity — but now what?

I suggested they sit down with their mother around the table and enjoy creating the art together, all the while chatting, as they had done in the past.

They had a lovely time together.

Their mother, who didn’t speak much anymore turned to them and said, “This was a good day!” They were amazed and thrilled. Indeed, what a special day it turned out to be for all of them.

Never underestimate a person with dementia.

It isn’t that they are ‘not there’; it’s more likely that you are not paying attention or providing opportunities for them to express themselves in a manor they are still capable of.

Given the chance, it has been my experience that they will surprise you.

The reality is that they are no longer able to engage in your world in the same way you have grown accustomed to, but that doesn’t mean they are incapable of engaging at all; it means that you will need to go into their world and meet them where they are – now.

The sooner you concede this fact the sooner it will be ‘a good day’ for you and your loved one too!

 Marjorie Moulton, Executive Director
We Rage We Weep Alzheimer Foundation
and Dementia Care Consultant drmmoulton@werageweweep.com
https://www.dementiaconsulting.ca